Lost - Not Forgotten

I'm constantly forgetting things. I'm not talking about names or phone numbers or my wife's birthday or stuff like that - I mean actual physical things: like keys and tools and money. I tell myself that I'm involved in too many things, and that's why I'm always leaving stuff behind; but it really sucks to show up somewhere without all the stuff that I need. I'm woefully unorganized, and my inner OCD self says, "Self, if you could just amplify your OCDedness - always put things in their proper places, make lists, prepare ahead of time - then you would always have the stuff you need - when you need it." But I know that's just not true.

I'm predisposed to "running back inside for one last thing before we go." It's not too bad as long as I know where that last thing is; but what about when an item is lost - not just forgotten? Usually, "I know I left it around here somewhere ..." I might have to scrounge around a little, but I usually find whatever it is that I remember I needed. But sometimes a thing is really lost. Maybe I dropped it or left it somewhere without knowing. Maybe someone borrowed it without asking, or somehow it got thrown away. That's the worst, because it takes time before I even realize that the item is gone. On numerous occasions, my family has witnessed the spectacle of me tearing the house apart looking for something "that's supposed to be right here!" Sometimes, the fits of rage that accompany an episode like that, result in the item reappearing - often with an apology for "moving it without letting you know."

Unfortunately, sometimes an item I "absolutely have to have right now" is really really lost; and all the frantic searching just drives me to another "Falling Down" moment. A falling down moment comes after all hope of finding an item is lost, when the floors are covered with the contents of overturned boxes and emptied drawers, when my family stares at me in wonder and asks, "Is Dad going to be OK?" At times like that, all I can think of is Michael Douglas telling Robert Duvall, "I thought I was the good guy."

When a line from a movie embeds itself in your psyche ... well I think it deserves a place on your shelf of ten favorite movies. Who could forget lines like "I got the pooh on me", or "somebody better ride back and git a shitload o' dimes", or even the classic "what we have here is a failure to communicate." And so I've decided to increase my shelf of ten favorite movies to twenty. I haven't actually picked all twenty yet, but I'm working on it; and I said shelf - not list - for a reason: I'm actually putting all of the movies on a physical shelf so I can see them as the body of work that they are. If a better movie comes along and bumps one from the shelf, so be it. And if you'd like to borrow one to watch, I guess that would be OK; but please let me know BEFORE you actually borrow it. If I go to the movie shelf and the movie isn't there - and I can't find it ... well ... it's not a pretty picture.